Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
