a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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