Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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