I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
