Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
