I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize