What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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