just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
