You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
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I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You are a genius and a whore.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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