Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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