____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize