Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
