just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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