Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sex in a hospital.. check
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
