farters have to be the big spoon...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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