he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
