those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
