Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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