You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
