Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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