Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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