He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
