turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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