you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
