I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
