I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
