dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
