also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
