so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
