school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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