He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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