two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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