You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
