I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
