i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
