I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
