So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
