Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
