yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This is my gift to your gina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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