Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
