No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
