Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
