Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
