Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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