Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
