I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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