I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
