Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
