i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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