I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize