I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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