TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
