is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
