I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
