a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
