shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
