this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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