Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
