he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
