I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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