was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
