He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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