he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
