I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
