If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize