if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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