I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
