Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
