Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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