You work out of a Hotel?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
