And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
