Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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