Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
