I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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