It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think i have two assholes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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