I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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