I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
