you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
