she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
