oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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